


Walking The Wire To Where Your Demons Hide

by Rickyl_edits, YeyaGrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: But it came anyway, Depression, Forever Rickyl you know, I didnt want to do it this way, I mean it, Love, M/M, Maybe the apocalypse is coming, Me writing this is like too much for the world, NO Richonne, Smut, always love, daryl dixon - Freeform, like no, really - Freeform, rick grimes - Freeform, season 7, this is bittersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 12:47:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12582228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rickyl_edits/pseuds/Rickyl_edits, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YeyaGrimes/pseuds/YeyaGrimes
Summary: ‘I’m so tired’ Daryl interrupted closing his eyes sighing. ‘I should have let Negan break me and this will be over.’‘Don’t say that. How would I live without you?’‘You are the reason why I run away from that shit hole. You and the kids.'





	Walking The Wire To Where Your Demons Hide

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PixieReedus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixieReedus/gifts).



> Soooooo... yeah, I did it...
> 
> First of all I want to apologize for ALL the mistakes you'll find here, I didn't look for a beta because I really don't know where this thing came from. But it came...
> 
> Second... this is another b-day present for my love Pixie... she encourage me to continue this and encourages me to do everything I don't feel capable of do... This was supposed to be posted Saturday, but I wasn't able to finished it, so it took me a little more.
> 
> Third... SORRY FOR NOT POSTING EDITS!!!! really, we have a VERY VERY good reason... you'll soon find out... promise...
> 
> Fourth... HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY!!!!

It has been hours Daryl suppose, since he laid in bed looking at the same point in the wall thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. The sun was up in the sky bathing the room with warmth and he was under two thick blankets.

  
It was another of those days where he wants to die or just disappear. The worst part was he couldn't help this state, he needs to put his shit together and go to war. They have such a big fight ahead, they need guns, Jadis wants them. But again, he wasn't able to find it in himself to get up and do something.    
He could hear the footsteps, light and careful, Rick probably thinks he’s asleep. When the former cop opens slowly the door sure as hell can see that Daryl wasn't sleeping, so he close it and goes straight to the bed, takes his boots off and gets in, hugging Daryl from behind. They stay that way for a while, in silence, not even moving, receiving the comfort the ex cop knows he wouldn't ask for.

  
‘Are you going to tell me what's going on?’ Rick asks in a whisper to Daryl’s ear even when he doesn't need to, he knows. Daryl sighs and doesn't respond. ‘You know, Lil’ Asskicker has been looking for you. In her own way of course, but I’m pretty sure that you are Dada and I'm Daddy.’

  
‘What makes you think that?’ Daryl asks after a long time, making Rick smile a little, he was trying, doing his best to go out of his own mind.

  
‘Well… Carl and Enid were playing with her when I came home, she went up, run to me saying Daddy, she looked at the door and said Dada in a demanding tone. And she was with me, so… yeah, you are Dada.’ Rick’s laugh sent shivers against Daryl’s neck, he smiled a little. ‘Carl said you were here all morning. Don’t you want to go to hunt?’

 

‘I don’t have a crossbow.’

 

‘Yes, you have one. The one you took from The Kingdom.’

 

‘I hate it. It isn’t mine.’

 

‘We could go and put some snares.’

 

‘I did it yesterday.’

 

‘Then we need to go see them.’

 

‘I don’t want to.’ Daryl said flat. Rick knew what he was doing, and the archer knew he wasn’t let it down until he move at least one arm, preferably his ass out of bed.    
  
It wasn’t the first time this happened. The difference now was they have a little more time to lose, not like when they were on the road. Rick’s heart hurts when he remembers those moments. He wanted to comfort Daryl so bad, but he couldn't do it. He needed to be the leader, dad, the one keeping everyone up when they wanted to give up, the one on alert at every passing moment, and in between, the one trying to bring Daryl back from his mind and depths. 

 

Rick blames himself everytime he sees the hunter like this, the last time depression took him, he was going crazy himself in Alexandria and the perfect walls he didn’t trust. At some point he forgot he needed to help his wingman to come back, until the archer went missing a couple of days, thought he lost him for good, Carl was shot and his whole life seemed a big joke.

 

When Carl moved after getting shot, the leader can remember how he started to cry, so scared for his boy and at the same time so relieved. The next thing he can remember was Daryl hugging him and he let himself be weak for a moment, drown in relief, two of the three people he love most in the world were with him. Jude was with Michonne and his entire family, alexandrians included, were there and they could still live and survive.

  
After that night things became better.    
  
Rick and Daryl went to runs together, they reconnected, after a couple of days of just cuddling their kisses became more frantic and demanding. It was like the first time all over again, those moments in the prison where they didn't have labels, learning about each others bodies and souls.    
  
Even when they were in their bedroom in Alexandria those firsts weeks, they shared room and bed, only the little distance between them felt like centuries apart, neither knew how to come back to that honeymoon moment. But things changed, they were together and stronger, they could fight whoever came because they have each other.

  
Until Negan showed up and everything went to shit again.

  
Daryl’s depression started with Denisse and it was so deeper and worse when Negan killed Gleen and took the hunter away. Rick shivers when he remembers his love the first time Negan came to Alexandria for his things. The desperation, the need to do something and bring him back was overwhelming, but he didn't know what to do, everyone seemed to hate him, no one trust him, not even Carl.    
  
But Daryl escaped, seeing him at Hilltop, touching him again filled Rick with the power he needed to start planning the war they all knew would come.    
  
Their first night together at The Kingdom went pretty much like the firsts nights at Alexandria, awkward. Rick bathed Daryl even under his protests, took care of the archer the best he could, waiting for his love breaking point. But didn't happened.    
  
Rick made Daryl stay in The Kingdom sure thing Negan will look for him at Alexandria, of course knowing the hunter, that didn't last long. He went to Hilltop next day, after facing Maggie like he needed to do, he went back to Alexandria, and Rick wasn't surprised. He knew his love too much, he wouldn't stay in a strange place away and hiding.    
  
And now, here they are. Rick knew this moment would come. The leader hug tightly the man in his arms and interlace their fingers.

  
‘You remember our first time together?’ Rick ask.

  
‘Yeah.’

  
‘I remember being scared shitless because I wanted so badly to happen that I thought it was a dream. Or my mind. We both know I have a pretty creative mind.’ Rick smiled at the feeling of the archer’s silent laugh.    
  
‘I felt something like that when I first kissed you.’ Daryl said, Rick’s heart warmed because he keep trying. Baby steps.

  
‘How long you wanted to do it?

  
‘Since I saw an idiot cop with white shirt in a bloody apocalypse’

  
‘Sweet’

  
‘You have to admit it wasn't your best idea.’

  
‘Well, sorry for not looking for black shirts when I was with walkers at my neck.’

  
‘I forgive you. You looked kind of hot.’

  
‘Thank you very much’ Rick left a kiss on Daryl’s neck. ‘I’m sorry it took me so long to do something.’

  
‘Why did you?’ He asked sounding insecure and little.

  
‘What do you mean?’ 

  
‘Why did you do something about it? I never believed someone like you would look at me for approval in first place, much less this.’ Rick didn't need to ask what this was, of course he knew.    
  
With depression always comes poor self esteem, and with the knowledge of Daryl’s childhood, it was pretty obvious this will be one thing his mind would backfire him. The leader took a long breath and hug his love tight, he needed to break Daryl, he knew it was the only way he would cry and  start to feel better.

  
‘You remember how I was when Lori died?’ These questions seemed stupid, like Daryl was a little kid, but they were the only way Rick could think to get to the hunter, remembering the bad moments so they can focus on the good ones.

  
‘Sure.’ Daryl answer tightening their fingers comforting Rick when it was the other way around.

  
‘You saved me from myself. You took care of our kids when I couldn't even remember about them because I was lost grieving. Jude lived because of you. Carl talked about what he had to do because of you. And even after I recovered you kept teaching him how to cope. You, every single time I over worked myself in the garden, came and made sure I had eaten, that I kept myself hydrated. That I was sleeping.’

  
‘You notice? I thought I was being discrete.’

  
‘Everything about you I took notice. Since the beginning. Besides, I was a cop, what kind would I have been if I didn't notice small things? Important things.’ Rick used that moment to turn Daryl in his arms and look at him in the eyes. ‘You saved our family. Every time you are here with me, you save me from my own mind. All the shit we went through and still you took time to look at everyone you love, making sure we are as good as this world can let us be, then you break and took time for yourself.’ 

  
‘This isn’t time for myself. This is me being a little cry ass bitch. I know what I’m Rick, you don't need to sweet talk to me.’ Anger. The best defense against words the hunter doesn't know how to take.

  
‘When I sweet talked to you? I’m always honest with you. I’ve never lied to you.’ Daryl’s eyes became a little brighter, but he’ll not let himself cry. ‘Was I weak because I cried like a baby when Carl got shot both times? When Negan fucked us? Or when we found each other in Hilltop?’ 

  
Rick let it there, trying to prove they weren't different, sometimes it was necessary get to the bottom of the abysm to come back strong and feeling capable of anything. The hunter send him a pleading look. He could see how bad Daryl wanted to get up, go out and being better.

  
‘I don't know how to stop it.’ He said. ‘All I want to do is silence this stupid voice in my head that keeps telling me I’m worthless, I’m good for nothing. It's like I have two, one saying those things, and the other one telling me I can stop it if I want to. And I found myself thinking without wanting to what’s the next sharp thing so I can put it right through my skull, how high I have to fall to not tell the story anymore. That isn't me Rick. I’ve been surviving since I was Judith’s age, I don't want to think it, but they came all the same, even when I don't want to, when I’m not expecting it.’ 

  
‘Babe…’ 

  
‘I’m so tired’ Daryl interrupted closing his eyes sighing. ‘I should have let Negan break me and this will be over.’   
  
‘Don’t say that. How would I live without you?’

  
‘You are the reason why I run away from that shit hole. You and the kids. But the voices are still there, and I’m tired of fighting’

  
‘I’m going to fight them for you. Just as you do for me, I’ll never get tired of bring you back to me. We stay together, we fight together, we raise Carl and Jude together, we keep our entire family alive together, just like always have been with us.’

  
Daryl wanted to believe him, but his mind was telling a different story. He embraced his arms around Rick’s neck and ever so softly asked against the former cop’s neck.

  
‘How we make them shut up now?’ 

  
‘You trust me, right?’

  
‘Of course idiot, you shouldn't even ask.’

  
‘You know I love you more than my own life.’

  
‘Yeah, I know that too.’ Daryl said opening his eyes and looking right to those blue orbs he fell in love with that first day at a camp, outside Atlanta, in the beginning of the apocalypse. ‘I love you too. Even when I don't say it often. I know you like to hear it, but it's difficult for me… sorry for being this mess.’

  
‘Hey, babe.’ Rick said caressing his love cheek. ‘You don't need to apologize. I know how you show you love us. I don't need to hear it all the time. Okay?’ The archer only nodded. ‘Will you let me try something?’    
  
Daryl nodded again and Rick kissed him softly pouring all the love and devotion he have.    
  
The archer sometimes needs a reminder of why he has to keep fighting. The ex cop was and will be the sun behind his dark cloud, having him now, kissing him like all his life depends on it, made him feel alive, and at the same time, he wanted to cry.    
  
When Rick started kissing his neck all he could think was the meaning behind every touch. Those strong hands tracing his sides softly made him sigh and forget everything besides them in bed, when the leader touched the skin under his shirt, he could only hug more tightly at his neck asking silently for more, if he opened just a little the mouth, he would start crying. Daryl was having so much feels, he didn't want to sob because he knew this will stop and he needed to forget, shut his mind for one moment.

  
The former cop put some distance between them and took his lover’s shirt off, he watched his torso lovingly, mapping with callous fingertips little scars here and there. He knew Daryl hate them, always saying they made him look weak because he wasn't able to defend himself against his asshole father. But Rick love them, they were the vivid proof of how much his hunter endure and even with all the shit, he was the most honorable, faithful, unselfish man he could met.    
  
The archer was getting nervous, another Daryl thing: he hated being watched or babied. Rick couldn't help it, he always enjoyed worshiping the person who he was with, even in the playful moments or the hard and frantic ones, he wanted them to feel good and loved. And he needed that now.

  
The leader began to kiss down his belly, raking his short nails by the other man’s tights. He reached the hem of his pants and began to take them off slowly, licking every part of skin he could reach. The hunter was breathing rapidly, arching his back from the bed, enjoying too much for his liking, he didn't want that. He didn't deserve pleasure.

  
Grabbing Rick by the curls, he brought him to his mouth and kiss him fervently, opening the leader’s shirt with one strong rip, making the buttons fly everywhere. Daryl take it off and throw it away, his lips were frantic against the former cop, using his tongue to made the other man crazy. He wanted it to be hard, and dirty, to hurt, be capable of hating himself even more, forget why he was on bed at midday in first place.    
  
When they needed air, the archer opened the leader’s pants with secure fingers, putting them down. Rick was losing his resolution, almost forgetting why all had started. He took Daryl’s hands, put them above his head and kiss him slowly again. He wouldn't hurt him, it wasn't about sex, it was about making him be vulnerable and open to his feelings. The leader left a chaste kiss on those thin and now red lips, take off what was left of his pants, and took the bottle of lube they had in the night stand.

  
The hunter’s cock was red against his stomach, he was watching Rick without moving wondering again how in all damn Hell he have such an amazing man by his side. How of all the men and women he had to choose, he wanted the most fucked up one, someone incapable of control himself, who doesn't talk or express his feelings like normal people do.

  
He knew Rick love him, he could see it plain as day in his eyes, they never lied, he always look at him as equal, making him feel worth of affection, appreciated. He was seeing all that now, while the ex cop crawl between his opened legs, his eyes started watering again, but he closed them tightly, took a long breath trying to calm himself.

  
The leader took his lover’s cock and began to stroke him slowly, making Daryl squirm. At the same time used his nose to tickle down his neck until he came to his chest, he took one of his nipples with his teeth nibbling it and then sucking it hard. Then he did the same with the other one, stroking a little faster at the pulsing cock in his hands. Rick was hard too, but he could wait, he was doing his best controlling the primary impulses that took over him every time they made love.

  
After a couple of moments and realizing that the archer didn't let himself made a single sound besides his worked up breathing, he let him go, kiss him slowly and lovely again, wanting to listen to those moans he feel in love with since the first time they had sex, he wanted to hear his name in a whisper through red and kissed lips, nails raking his back or scalp, fingers grabbing his long curls. Sweat bathing them both and two bodies moving like one.

  
But Daryl wasn't letting himself go, he needed to change that. He opened the lube and pour a little on his fingers, reached at his entrance and stroke slowly at the ring of nerves there. The archer relaxed a little and Rick could put a finger inside of him, he was so tight and closed.    
  
It had been weeks since the last time they made love, and Rick was bottoming, maybe it had been a month, he couldn't remember it, seemed like a lifetime ago the morning Denise died, Daryl was still angry for letting Dwight go, and he did what they do best, fight for control in bed. It sort of became a thing between them when one was frustrated or pissed, the one on top would always be who needed relief. Of course they both enjoyed it, the whole point wasn't hurt the other, it was about communication without words. It worked for them, so they did it.

  
But the problem was he was fighting, Rick knew what his love wanted, but he wouldn't get it today. What was the point of making him suffer more?    
  
While tried to open him, he went to the archer’s neck, kissing and nibbling there, knowing it was his weak point. Daryl’s hands that were by his sides on bed, went to Rick’s curls and he felt the exact moment his love let himself go without realizing it. A tiny moan escaped through lips that gave up the fight, and he could put his finger inside him without more resistance.

  
After that open him was a little easier, one finger became two, and two three. Meanwhile the leader kissed every point he knew would turn Daryl on even more, he was specially sensitive on the neck and nipples. The archer admitted one time that he didn't know bites in those zones felt so good, but also, he didn't know much about sex besides in, out and then nothing. With Rick he learned it wasn't only stress relief or a passing moment, it could be for fun, a way to communicate, even because neither could control themselves.    
  
The hunter tangled his fingers in soft, long curls, brought the other man's mouth to his and kiss him with fierce passion. The fingers inside him moved a little faster making him moan loud between kisses, when one touched his sensitive spot, Daryl separate their lips, throw back his head and let a guttural moan escape him, forgetting about their kids downstairs, neighbors, what happened before, everything besides pleasure.    
  
‘Rick…’ He begged while his partner continue torturing him.

  
‘I’m here love…’ Rick said, the archer was struggling with the sheets, he needed him now and he knew, behind the fog of bliss, the leader wanted to hear him said the words. The archer always hated the extreme self control he had, he could go without touching himself for hours, but play with him and enjoy it all the same. Daryl knew they could continue like this, but right now, he was tired of fighting. 

  
‘Please…’ He said in a whisper through heavy breaths ‘I want you… inside me… now.’

  
‘Of course babe.’ Rick take his fingers off earning a protesting groan, he stroke and lubed himself trying to relieve some tension, but before giving Daryl what he wanted, his lips went to the hunters lobe sucking it sensually. Strong legs tangled behind the leader’s tights and short nails run from bottom to top leaving red marks behind in a back with little scars from years of walker fights and dangerous missions. ‘I love you.’ the leader said softly to his ear while entering slow and careful in the archer.

  
A moan left their mouths, it was the first time in weeks they could enjoy this, or even tried it. It wasn't like they were bunnies and couldn't live without fucking, but they miss it. Daryl always loved the feel of them together, it felt good and right. He never questioned his ‘ _ gay Rick side _ ’, he could question himself why's, but what they have in and out of the room, that was unquestionable.

  
When the former cop was deep inside him, the archer kiss him with all he have, breathing heavy while a single tear he couldn’t control left his eyes. Rick separate them a little, moved long, sweaty bangs out of his lover’s eyes and began to move slowly, he took both of his hands, interlacing their fingers above Daryl’s head.    
  
The leader moved a little faster while watching the hunter’s face contorted by pleasure, he left kisses everywhere he could reach, he could feel their bodies sharing a thin layer of sweat, moving like one looking for that moment of ecstasy it made them forget everything besides them.

  
Their shared moans were filling the room, in a particular deep thrust the archer’s body shooke and he throw back his head moaning loud, Rick reposition himself and tried to thrust always in the same spot without release the grip he had with his love.

  
‘Rick…’ Daryl whispered and he lost it, the sweet and careful thrusts became hard and deep enough to move the archer up in bed.    
  
The hunter almost could reach his orgasm, he could feel the love pouring from the leader in every kiss, thrust, in every ‘I love you so much’ whispered to his ear, in moans that escaped from those full and kiss red lips, in fingers that tighten just a little closer of too much showing he was also enjoying this.    
  
‘Let it go love. I’ve got you’ Rick said softly to his ear and he couldn't deny it anymore, Daryl let all go, all those weeks of frustration and hurt washed over him. He finished with a throaty grunt, in the bliss of the aftermath he felt the ex cop finished too, and a heavy body collapse beside him, petting his hair.

  
When the archer could feel around again, he realized his breaths were elaborated. He felt Rick’s arms around him, hugging him hard.

  
‘It’s alright babe. Let it go.’ 

  
Daryl was finally crying. It didn't mean it would be over, but for now, he was free. The leader brought him to his chest and let him cry, he will be there for whatever his archer needed.   
  
  


 

 

  
  
It felt like hours to the hunter when he calmed down and was able to breathe normally again. His chest felt a little less heavy, and the voices stop resounding. If he was honest, he was feeling like shit, but it was better than the fog.

  
Rick was caressing his back lovingly, every now and then he kissed his head, murmured an ‘I love you’ or hug him tight again.

  
‘I ruined the moment.’ Daryl said, voice hoarse from his break down.    
  
‘You didn't ruin anything.’ The leader said calmly.

  
‘Yeah, I did. It's been too long since we fucked this way. The last couple of times were angry and hard because I was too stubborn to talked about it.’ 

  
‘I always make love to you, doesn't matter how or why.’

  
‘You don't need to convince me.’

  
‘Love…’ Rick ran his fingers through the other man's hair and made him look at his eyes ‘I don't try to convince you of anything. It's true. I always make love to you, because I do. It doesn't matter how we made it or why or anything else besides us.’ The archer’s eyes were puffy and red, but he could read them anyway. The residual thoughts will appear for a few days, he was prepared for it, it’ll take some time to bring him back to his normal self.    
  
‘How are you are still here? Merle leave every time I was with my ‘ _ Darlina mood _ ’ he called it.’

  
‘Because you are here for my moods. I wanted to see you break, I started it because you needed it. You need to believe again that there's is hope, even in this fucked up world. Those voices you heard are ghosts your past create, but you need to silence them and remember what your present and future will bring. You are worth everything I have to do, say or make to bring you back to me, because you and the kids are my hope.’

  
‘Those deaths were my fault. How can Maggie and Tara even look at me? I failed them.’ Daryl said after a long silence.

  
‘Because they love you. They both know it wasn't your fault.’ The archer wanted to protest, but Rick cut him ‘Carol blames me every time  she sees me for Sophia’s death?’

  
‘She used to.’

  
‘Yeah, she did. But she knows I did everything in me to bring her back. I’m not saying she forgave me entirely, but she knows I would have died for her little girl. I blame myself every now and then for all the people we’d lost. What could I’ve done differently so they could live another day? Many things, but those mistakes formed me, made me who I am. I’ll never forget, you neither and that's how it is. Sounds awful to say it this way, but we learned to lived with it, even if we don't want to.’ 

  
‘I hate when you use all your charm on me.’ The archer said hiding his face in the crook of the leader's neck, hugging him tight, letting a long sigh go.

  
‘That isn't true,’ Rick replied laughing softly ‘You love it.’

  
‘I’ll only admit that I love your crazy killer look. It kinda turns me on.’ He felt the smile in the archer’s voice and took it for a winning. ‘Or that tilt of your head to one side. I can't decide.’

  
‘What tilt?’ The former cop asked without understanding. Daryl lifted half his body and look at him shocked.

  
‘You gotta be fucking kidding me.’ 

  
‘Why?!’

  
‘You seriously don't know you do that?’

  
‘What are you talking about?’

  
‘God! Thank whoever you want that I love you, because you are a dumbass.’ The archer said with a smile, making Rick grab him by his long bangs and kiss him fiercely until they both ran out of air.

  
‘Tell me.’

  
‘Nope.’ Daryl answered smiling, his eyes were bright, he looked relaxed and calmed.

  
‘Pleeeeeeaseeeeee…’ The leader said like a little kid.

  
‘We’ll ask Carl later. I’m sure he'll laugh his ass off.’ The hunter laughed out loud at his partner’s face ‘I’m sure if Little A could talk, she would know what I’m talking about.’

  
‘Both of you are terrible influences to my daughter.’ 

  
‘Yeah, you wish. And stop pouting’ Daryl kissed him slow and sweet. They made love again, but this time, was playful. The only way the archer could find to thank Rick for being there even at his lowest.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find us on instagram!!
> 
> www.instagram.com/rickyl_edits  
> _________________________
> 
> I hope this was at least enjoyable. Depression is real, please understand the ones who have it and respect them...   
> Also, if you don't have it, don't say you do... it's extremely hard to fight it everyday...
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
